Exam Season

That's right, folks. Once again, exam season is here, which can signify a variety of things.

1. As the threat of imminent exams looms over head, panic will soon settle into the hearts of thousands of uni students. Those who haven't listened to a word in lectures (or alternatively, those who have not bothered attending lectures at all) will soon begin to ponder the age-old question "Why am I here?" As will, most likely, everyone else in higher education that doesn't live and breathe their chosen subject.

2. Promises will be made that next year will be different. Next year, you will not be tempted to forego lectures due to powerpoint availability on WebCT. Then you inevitably remember that this was also your resolution 'round about the same time last year.

3. You start doing as many things as you can possibly think of to avoid actually studying. These activities include, but are in no means limited to the following: facebook, cleaning, making cups of tea, running to the toilet multiple times within an hour because of the tea you've just drunk, making more cups of tea to continue this cycle, putting on washing, waiting five hours for your washing to finish, staring at Ryan Gosling's abs, making lists of all the things you should be studying, pretending to study, filing notes you've already made, and buying hats for the upcoming Royal Wedding.

4. You remember that there is a reason "studying" is a portmanteau of the words "student" and "dying."

5. You realise that Prince William is laughing at you by deciding to have a wedding right at the beginning of the examination period.
Prince William (henceforth to be referred as the most honourable Prince William, future king of England, or simply, P-Dubs): You there, peasant, what would you normally be doing on the 29th of April?
Peasant (aka average undergraduate university student who did/does not attend Oxford, Cambridge, or St. Andrews): Um...I'd be in an exam, sir.
P-Dubs: Ahahaha! Then it is decided! I shall arrange for my wedding to fall on this day precisely!
Peasant: But why, sir?
P-Dubs: Silence, peasant! By having my wedding on this day, I shall be doing you a most gracious favour by kindly mandating that no exam should take place on this day.
Peasant: But that just means all exams will be pushed back a day, sir.
P-Dubs: [In an aside] Precisely... [maniacal laughter]

6. The weather will inevitably take a turn for the best just as you decide to imprison yourself within either your flat, or the library, neither of which will permit the enjoyment of such glorious sunshine as the normal school year has never seen before.

7. The pesky mouse that occasionally visits your flat (who may or may not be small, black and named Herbert) will decide that in the absence of three of your flatmates, it is perfectly acceptable to wander into your room and slink about, exploring areas of your horrendous carpeting unknown.

8. Cracked.com will have no new articles for you read, as its writers, just like Prince William, have decided it's more fun to laugh at struggling uni students about to take their year-end exams than to give them hilarious lists with which to waste their time.

9. The people upstairs will decide that now is the best time to throw a party.

10. The baby downstairs will decide that 4am is the best time to start crying.

11. Some fantastic twat from the eBay community will decide that instead of taking pity on the fact that university students usually have no money to spend bidding on items, they will outbid them on superfluous things (i.e. a floppy hat for the Royal Wedding or a set of tea tins) just for the fun of it.

12. You're reminded that anything is better than reading James Joyce, especially when anything involves looking up videos of husky babies on YouTube.

13. You're reminded that if you had but a husky puppy, your life would be complete.

14. You begin pondering the consequences of kidnapping the Marchmont cat for a few days in order to de-mouse your flat so that you may "revise" in peace (read: so that your 5am zombie story writing sessions go uninterrupted by small furry intruders that may or may not give you the plague). All that cat does is stalk people anyway.

Of course, the loom of exams can suggest a great many other things as well, I believe these 14 things to be of great importance.